Reflection

I don't understand myself.

I don't get it. 

Once I was right there, but then I wasn't. 

Once I made a decision, but then I hesitate. 

But somehow, I still learning about myself. Such a waste for myself focusing others characters and personalities, while I left myself somewhere. In a certain circumstances, I become for who I wasn't. Its a shame. 

What I knw, how I interact with people around is the same way they are towards me. Like it was a reflection of them. If you are nice, then I will be nice. If you truly love me, then I will do the same. But then, I was wrong-- misinterpret. 

I always put this impression-- everyone is nice and a good person but there's always a bad side of them that will hardly to be seen. To me, everyone have a creative ways to show their selfishness-- 

I cannot understand how they can show less obvious selfishness and in the same way, be so innocent. 

This world I'm living is cruel but I need to quit whining and start to be a decent human. No more reflection how they behave towards me. 

Its a hard thing but I need to do it anyway. 

Twenties

I can consider myself as a piece of shit and useless whenever I realised my age now turning into twenties. So many damn things I cannot made it by myself. Shame.

Malu tak bertempat. Yes, that suits so well for me. Maybe I didnt try that hard to get out from my own shell. Such a pathetic girl. 

& somehow I let people take for granted for what I had and for what I gave. I never try to stop or prevent it from happened. Just bcs they're charming words and giving some pathetic looks are enough to make me forgive them and forget wtv I've been through after they leave. To think that they might change, hm I was deadly wrong.  

I don't even understand myself but I need to put on my limits so I won't be carried away anymore. Maybe the issues I face make me so sloppy and dumb. Oh please get away from me, I am no good for anyone.

Craps

Hi. From now on and onwards I'm going to post of craps and bebel hm just bear with me (lol if there is anyone read and know this blog) 

Okay, taktahu nak cerita pasal personal ke tak but I know that, I will hahahahaha bodo lah social networks ni (no actually the one who is dumb is me yes me you dumbass) 

It less than a month to final but yet i wasted my time for craps (like creating this post I guess) okay next post nak cerita pasal crush boleh tak hahahahahhaa (penat la excited pasal crush ni tapi dia tkd pandang kita pun omg gedik) k pls la aku nak meroyan kat sini hmmmm 

Okay cerita sini crush. 

Crush tu, comel. 

Okbai. 

Sometimes, the unexpected event is the  most memorable moment :)

Love, 

Ain The Great (wink) 

Goals

Its been a while I didnt post. 

I was addicted with this blog when I have my notebook but then the screen cracked so I stop using blogger. 

I need to fix that cracked screen bcs I recently remember how I was excited when my father brought it for me (2011 I think) so it feel so wrong and unfair to let it disposed by itself kan :') 

And recently, my goals now are stop using social networks (oh yes, it sound ridiculous) but now I try to reduce my addiction. Hoping it turns out well. Temporarily disable instagram and just stop tweeting wasn't an easy task for me sobs 

But I know I can make it. By spamming snapchat hahaha I still controlling myself and try to get a life (I mean a real life with real matters focusing for a better future and most important is improving my english & grammar shits)

And my current goals for March are achieved Alhamdulillah :) and the most grateful moment when I able to graduate (but it's actually two semesters late) but as long as my parents happy and i truly sorry for that :(