damage

this pain will never go away, isnt it?

as the old wound about to heal, there's always comes along with the new deal. 

and pain is more pain, the cut is more deeper. 

as i still breathing & sane, i did feel happiness. 

even if just temporary. but, i was happy at the moment. 

at least, i have the taste than nothing at all. 

the beginning always the hardest, they said. 

and nobody says it was easy but nobody says it was this hard. 

as far as i get prepared myself, the further myself from healing. 

this is so hard, man. 

all the perspective i had in mind, might be change. 

i am scared. of everything. 

there is so much "what-if" situations. 

what if i lose myself?

what if i never trust anyone?

what if i never love somebody anymore?

what if i change myself? 

what if i pickup a knife and stab myself bleeding to death?

what if i become a selfish bitch?

what if i never forgive people?

right now, im hoping there is people saving me. 

more importantly, i hope i never be right about be alone is the best choice in life. 

be alone for the eternity. 

lets hope i was wrong. 

save me.  

i never wanted this things to be done, but what choice do i have? 

being selfish at this age is so damn wrong. 

as the numbers always up, so do the agony.